1. The invention of “………..slime man”
2. The moo:
3. The good ol’ Joe Biden:
4. The mom who all of a sudden became a stan:
5. The Twinkie:
6. The pecan pie:
7. The Gettysburg Address:
8. The puppies:
9. The Pawn Stars monologue:
10. The potpourri of shortcuts:
11. The preamble:
12. The bossassbitch:
13. The farts. All the farts.
14. The HELL FUCKING YES:
15. The humps, the lovely little lumps:
16. The LordFarquaad420:
17. And finally, the lasagna the hell.
1. On life goals:
2. On music:
3. On getting wasted:
4. On clothing:
5. On babies:
6. On kids:
7. On teenage boasts:
8. On haircuts:
9. On phones:
10. On group chats:
11. On brothers:
12. On identity crises:
13. On Snapchat:
14. On Facebook:
15. On summer:
16. On exam results:
17. On picky eaters:
18. On celebrities:
19. On consumerism:
20. On interior design:
21. On friendship:
22. On holding a grudge:
23. On killer clowns:
1. People who joke that girls don’t poo wind you up.
We’re proud of our superior stench, Spike.
2. Because you’re not afraid to talk about what’s important to you.
3. In fact, you talk about it in explicit detail.
4. Because you’re such a confident pooer, you never worry about people knowing that you’re doing one.
5. In fact, you usually announce when you’re about to go.
6. Because your pooing skills have always been a great source of pride.
7. Keeping track of how often you go gives you great satisfaction.
8. And if you don’t go for ages, you feel like a completely different person.
You don’t feel like you if you don’t poo.
9. Because you just get such a buzz when you do a nice, solid turd.
10. You’re always giving your friends fun facts about your favourite pastime.
11. And there’s nothing you relish more than having a juicy convo about doo-doo with a fellow poop lover.
12. The poop emoji is your favourite.
It’s even better when given a glam makeover.
13. And you love a good poop accessory.
14. Not to mention fancy “toiletries”.
15. Sometimes, taking a shit literally makes you a better person.
16. Other times, not so much.
17. You haven’t got time for people’s sexist opinions on your favourite subject.
18. Because there ain’t no shame in a dame who loves a dump.
I have a beautiful way with words, I know.
19. SO POO ON, MY PRETTIES!
Loving your poo is loving you.
See this : 9 Things Girls Do
“I used to doodle on scraps of paper to make myself and colleagues at work smile and laugh,” Cameron told BuzzFeed. “I found the sadder ones got the better reaction.”
When asked why he thinks people respond so strongly to his drawings, the Rochester-based illustrator has a couple of theories: “I think perhaps there’s a devilish guilt in enjoying these, or maybe it’s the underlying love in the doodles that people are picking up on.”
With 2016 being so bleak already, does Ben have plans for some more cheerful drawings? “I do a lot of sweet and uplifting doodles. I think what I’ll be working on next and throughout next year will be more of that. Kind, funny, and silly stuff. Unless there’s demand for Tragidoodles 2, that is…”
Taken from the book Tragidoodles by Ben Cameron (Unbound, £9.99). You can see more of Ben’s work on his website, doodlesbyben.com.
1. You wait too long to buy a turkey.
If you’re buying a frozen, conventional turkey (like Butterball) from the supermarket, buy it 1-2 weeks in advance and store it in your freezer.
If you’re buying a fresh turkey (conventional OR free-range organic) from the supermarket, you can’t pick it up too far ahead of time, because it’ll go bad. But you can and should call the supermarket to reserve your fresh turkey at least two weeks in advance.
If you’re ordering a super fancy turkey, such as a Heritage turkey, order online at least a month in advance. The turkey will be delivered to you the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.
2. You forget that a frozen turkey takes FOUR DAYS to thaw.
The best way to thaw your turkey is in the refrigerator, where a turkey thaws at a rate of 4 pounds per day. So a 16-pound turkey will take four days to thaw.
If it’s already too late and you need to thaw your turkey ASAP, here’s how.
3. You don’t realize that many turkeys are pre-brined.
That frozen Butterball “Contains up to 8% of a solution of Water, Salt, Spices, and Natural Flavor.” That means Butterball did the brining already in order to extend the shelf life of the turkey. The same is true for kosher turkeys, so always check the ingredient list, and if there’s already salt injected into your turkey, don’t brine it.
4. You don’t let your turkey come to room temperature before roasting it.
Don’t roast a cold turkey. Take your bird out of the refrigerator (and out of the brine, if you’re brining) an hour before you put it in the oven to ensure even cooking and a moist bird.
5. You don’t dry the turkey really well inside the cavity and on the outside.
Drying your turkey thoroughly with paper towels helps crisp the skin.
Drying inside the cavity is important too, and most people forget about it.
6. You don’t salt inside the cavity.
If you don’t brine your turkey, you need to season it thoroughly. It’s easy to forget about the inside of the turkey, but sprinkling salt in the cavity seasons the meat from the inside.
7. You don’t use a roasting rack inside your roasting pan.
Without a rack, the meat on the bottom of your bird will end up overcooked and dry, the skin will burn, and your kitchen will fill with smoke. Invest in a roasting pan with a rack. It’s not like you’ll only use it on Thanksgiving; the best roast chickens are cooked on a rack, too.
8. You cook stuffing inside the bird.
It means you have to cook the turkey longer to get the stuffing cooked through — otherwise, it’s basically salmonella bread pudding — which means the turkey’s meat will be dry and less tasty.
9. You roast the turkey at one temperature, instead of starting it in a really hot oven and then lowering the heat.
Roast your turkey at 475°F for the first 30 minutes, and you’ll crisp the skin by rendering the fat out quickly. After 30 minutes, turn down your oven temperature to 350°F for the remainder of the cooking time.
10. You freak out about the skin browning too quickly and turn down the oven temperature.
If you notice that the skin of your turkey is getting too dark, just take it out of the oven and lay a piece of aluminum foil over the areas that are about to burn. Don’t change the oven temperature.
11. You baste.
STOP IT. Reasons:
1. Every time you open the oven door, your oven loses heat, and your turkey takes longer to cook, and it dries out.
2.The pan drippings that you baste with aren’t 100% fat; they are a mixture of fat and liquid, and that liquid will actually make your turkey skin soggy and dry your meat out.
3. It’s a pain and takes up valuable time that you could spend mashing potatoes or watching football.
12. You don’t use a real thermometer:
Often, your turkey will come with a pop-up thermometer already inserted into its breast meat. Take it out and throw it away. Pop-up thermometers are inaccurate, and many of them are set to “pop up” at 180 degrees, at which point your turkey will be overcooked.
A real meat thermometer is essential, because it tells you the exact internal temperature of your bird. So, if you take its temperature and your thermometer reads 155, you know it’s almost done.
13. You check the temperature at the wrong time, in the wrong place.
WHEN SHOULD YOU START CHECKING THE TEMPERATURE?
For a 14- to 16-pound turkey, check the temperature after 2.5 hours. For an 18- to 20-pound turkey, check the temperature after 3 hours. If it isn’t done, check again every 15 minutes.
WHERE SHOULD YOU CHECK THE TEMPERATURE?
Your thermometer needs to be in the thickest part of the thigh. Insert the thermometer right where the thigh meets the breast, and push it in until you feel it slide into the thigh meat.
14. You cook the turkey past 165°F.
Stop doing that. Don’t cook your turkey to 180°F; it’ll be dry. A turkey is safe to eat when cooked to 165°F. Some chefs recommend only cooking poultry to 160°F, since meat will continue to cook after you take it out of the oven.
15. You don’t let your turkey rest for at least 15 minutes before carving.
You need to wait at least 15 minutes after taking the bird out of the oven before you cut into it, so that the juices inside the turkey have time to settle into the meat instead of pouring out onto your cutting board and leaving you with a dry bird (and a mess).
16. You destroy the turkey when it comes time to carve it.
This video offers a pretty good demonstration, whether you’ve never carved a turkey before or you’d just like to learn an easier way.
17. You carve up the whole bird even though only half of it will get eaten on Thanksgiving.
If you’re serving dinner for eight people or fewer, only slice one leg and one breast. Store the other leg and breast, uncut, in an airtight container in the fridge, and slice pieces off as you’re ready to eat them; unsliced meat doesn’t dry out as quickly.
Lilly “Superwoman” Singh just admitted why she doesn’t address negative comments, in a video titled “How to Make a Sandwich”.
It’s because she has two sides, and usually favours the first side.
Butttt then she read out a comment that she gets pretty often.
The comment reads: “women arent funny. shouldnt u be in the kitching making me a sandwich”. [sic]
And well, decided to unleash her second side to answer the fine man’s question.
She proceeded to show the commenter how to actually make a sandwich…
…and every part of the process was riddled with uncontainable savagery.
She didn’t hold back at all.
Not one bit.
And people LOVE Singh’s ball-busting, no-nonsense response to all the sexist commenters out there.
You can check out the video here:
Mike Pence took a break from government transition work Friday night to attend a Broadway performance of Hamilton, but the musical ended with the cast directly addressing the vice president-elect and asking him to “work on behalf of all of us.”
It seemed to be a tense outing from the get-go for the Indiana governor, who received a tepid welcome at the New York theater where witnesses said Pence was booed as he entered and walked toward his seat.
Then at the close of the musical, with the entire cast assembled on stage, Pence was addressed directly by a member of the cast.
“We, sir — we are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us,” said actor Brandon Victor Dixon, who plays Aaron Burr.
“We truly hope this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us,” Dixon said. “This is one American story told by a diverse group of men and women of different colors, creeds, and orientations.”
The audience erupted in cheers after Dixon spoke to the vice president-elect.
It was unclear if Pence caught most of the statement. The Associated Press reported he ducked out before the address and Dixon, as he began, noted that the president-elect was already walking out. “I hope you will hear just a few more moments,” he said.
A show spokesperson, however, told the New York Times that Pence stood in the hallway outside the theater entrance and heard the speech.
On Saturday morning, Donald Trump himself had heard of the drama, tweeting criticism of the cast and demanding they apologize:
Dixon, the actor who spoke to Pence from the stage, then responded to Trump on Twitter:
Hours later, Trump continued to tweet about the incident and called the cast “rude and insulting” although he deleted it minutes later.
Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s former campaign manager, also criticized the cast’s actions, as did former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich:
Some people in the audience also speculated that lyrics of the musical appeared to be sung directly at Pence, a question that seemed to be answered once the cast addressed Trump’s running mate at the end of the performance.
The New York Times reported that the director, producer, and cast of the musical decided to write a statement to the vice president-elect once they learned he would be attending.
The show’s Pulitzer Prize–winning creator, Lin-Manuel Miranda, said he was proud of the cast’s actions:
The Secret Service motorcade was the first hint someone from the Trump campaign might be headed to see Hamilton Friday night.
Once inside, video captured in the theater showed the vice president-elect greeted with a series of applause and distinct boos.
Several people in the audience tweeted pictures of Pence and his security team taking a seat.
One witness called it an “unreal scene.”
The awkwardness didn’t stop there.
The jeering and cheering continued and apparently reached a pitch when actor Rory O’Malley, an openly gay man who plays King George in the musical, sang the lyrics to a reprise of “You’ll Be Back.”
The song includes the lyrics:
It’s much harder when it’s your call
All alone, across the sea
When your people say they hate you
Don’t come crawling back to me
A Broadway show that focuses in significant part on Alexander Hamilton’s immigrant experience was an unexpected choice of entertainment for the conservative vice president-elect.
In March 2015, Pence signed Indiana’s Religious Freedom Law, which opponents and businesses criticized as allowing discrimination against LGBT people. The outcry — which went national — led to a revision to protect against discrimination, which Pence also signed.
Later in 2015, Pence was one of many governors who opposed Syrian refugees coming into his state. This past month, a federal appeals court slammed Pence for actions he took in support of that opposition.
Dixon’s statement might have struck a personal chord for the diverse cast, whose main character — previously played by Lin-Manuel Miranda — is now being played by Javier Muñoz, an HIV-positive, openly gay man from a Puerto Rican family.
But the play also strikes on other issues that have been targeted by the Trump campaign, such as immigration, with Hamilton often highlighting his rich immigrant background.
According to audience members, one of the show’s lines was greeted with particularly loud applause and cheers Friday: “Immigrants, we get the job done!”
That was the year of the nationwide dumpster fire, we’ll tell our grandchildren one day. The year the Warriors blew a 3–1 lead in the finals. The year we lost David Bowie, Prince, and Vine. The year a man successfully campaigned on racism, misogyny, and anti-immigrant sentiment all the way to the highest office in the land.
Things have felt confusing, scary, and downright dystopian in the two weeks since the election. Projections about the future make me feel like I’m living inside hastily written chapters from a rejected Margaret Atwood novel (“a little heavy-handed with the metaphors, don’t you think?”).
There’s a whole lot of terrifying (and fake!) news out there. There’s been an alarming resurgence of hate crimes against people of various backgrounds, with no sign of slowing down anytime soon. With so much happening so fast, it’s hard for anyone to know what to do except lie in bed crying and making memes. But chances are, if you’re white and you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, the people of color in your life are dealing with even more compounded forms of stress and straight-up fear — and for good reason.
When the news of Donald Trump winning the election first started to pour in, my phone became a life raft. Texts and calls and DMs and emails from other people of color rolled in urgently, each one bleeding into the next for days on end: “Are you alone? Are you okay? Are we okay? I love you. I saw this coming, but I’m scared. We will keep going. We have to keep going.” We held each other because we had to. Because we have to.
But the sparse messages from white friends were less steady, more unsure: “How could this have happened?” and “I don’t know what to do” flanked each “How are you?” The requests came soon after, the way they often do. “How do I fix this? What do we — white people — do?”
Exhausted and overwhelmed, I didn’t have answers at first. I needed rest before I could respond. Before I could teach, before I could reach back into my experiences organizing on campus and beyond to do this newly urgent work. But now, two weeks and severalterrifying cabinet appointments later, I want to help teach them how to build us all a raft. Show them how to be the most helpful friends they can during these ominous times. So I pulled together this very nonexhaustive list of ways to help. We’ve entered a new storm, but lessons from the past can still guide us. Here’s a start.
1. Don’t ask your friends — or random internet acquaintances — of color to #process everything with you.
Emotional labor is exhausting, and people of color are already carrying the burden of existing as targets in this openly hostile terrain. The last thing we are equipped to do under duress is take on the weight of your anxieties too. If your first temptation is to text a black friend about your own fear, you’re probably contributing to that load — even if it’s not intentional.
Find other outlets to explore what you’re feeling. Reach out to other white people to have those conversations, write in a journal or blog, or talk to a mental health professional if you’re able to. People of color can’t be your de facto therapists whenever something scary happens, especially when we’re the ones directly in harm’s way.
2. If you want to reach out to your friends of color to ask about how they’re feeling, don’t force a conversation.
Again, having emotionally fraught conversations can be draining. So if you want to check in on your friends or co-workers, send a simple but supportive message that doesn’t require them to respond back with a paragraph. I’ve found that messages like “I know you are probably dealing with a lot right now, but I just wanted you to know that I’m here if it’d help you to talk with someone” can mean the world. They convey your desire to be there — without putting the onus on the recipient to stop what they’re doing and engage you.
Have you ever had a day when texting back or even getting out of bed feels like a task hard enough for the final level of a video game? We get those too. And in the coming years, as news and events continue to underscore just how much danger we’re in, there will probably be even more days like this. So don’t take it personally if a friend doesn’t immediately respond to your reaching out; sometimes the best way to support someone is to give them space.
3. Invest your energy into having difficult conversations with white people around you.
Ask open-ended questions about race and stereotypes. Feel free to share how your own thought process has evolved and why; admit to not having all the answers. Be frank when someone says something fucked up. You have far more leverage with other white people than people of color do.
3a. Especially your family members!
Holiday conversations can be especially difficult, but don’t avoid your “racist uncle” because it’s easier than challenging his views. Again, you have far more leverage with him than any person of color would. Avoiding difficult discussions about race is a luxury we don’t have.
And if they aren’t getting it in your conversation, feel free to send this flowchart their way. If they insist on talking specifically about Trump, here are some conversation points you could try incorporating.
4. Amplify the work and words of the most marginalized people.
People in power get cited as experts on marginalized people’s experiences because they’re considered “unbiased.” You can help push back against this faulty paradigm by insisting marginalized people are the experts on their own lives and the -isms that affect them.
Get into the habit of sharing articles and essays and poetry and art by people of color. Buy their books. Link to them on Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr. Email their work to your relatives. Use your platform to make sure their thoughts and perspectives and ideas and analyses reach audiences who might not have had access to them otherwise. It’s strategic and also just intellectually honest (after all, you didn’t just wake up one morning with fully developed racial justice analysis).
Looking for some reading lists to start with? Here are some on black feminism, intersectionality, anti-Islamophobia, supporting immigrants, thinking about alternatives to policing and community accountability, and perspectives from queer and trans people of color.
5. Intervene when you see harassment happening.
People in dangerous situations probably aren’t safe enough to casually scan their surroundings and take note of who’s wearing a safety pin. If you see someone targeting another person with any version of racist, sexist, anti-Muslim, or anti-queer aggression, quickly evaluate the situation. Aggressors are far more likely to back down if the person intervening is someone they see as equal, so if you’re white, a person shouting racist slurs at someone else would take your “Hey, stop that” far more seriously than a black person’s. It’s unfortunate, but it’s real.
Use your voice in these moments. Intervene calmly, with words that help deescalate the situation. Things like “Hey, that’s not cool” work surprisingly well. You can check this guide out for more resources on de-escalation. This works online, too. Sites like Twitter can be hotbeds of harassment for marginalized people. But when white people, especially men, interrupt to tell harassers their behavior is unacceptable, they are far more likely to stop their abuse.
6. If you’re going to engage the country’s ongoing protests, do so responsibly.
If you’ve never been to a protest or rally before, it’s easy to get swept up in the energy of the moment. People march, yell, and express their deeply held frustrations. They cry, laugh, and hold one another. Frequently, police show up and situations can escalate quickly.
It’s important to be aware of how you navigate these spaces if you choose to go. Are you being loud and disrespectful toward police? That might agitate them — and people of color are the ones who most often bear the brunt of the ensuing violence. However, in situations where police are targeting people of color, place yourself between the parties or make it clear that you are recording the encounter. Because police are less likely to do you harm, this can de-escalate the situation. I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes.
Stick to following the cues of those most vulnerable, and don’t try to make the action about you. Are you speaking over the people of color? Are you participating in chants that don’t apply to you, like “I can’t breathe”? These actions can make protests feel actively unsafe for people of color. Remember that you are there to be supportive, and your actions should reflect it.
7. Get involved for the long haul.
If you have access to financial resources, give to anti-bigotry organizations that will undoubtedly need to scale up their efforts in the coming months and years. I don’t want to officially endorse charities, but Jezebel published a list of some larger national organizations, and organizers in Los Angeles compiled another list, focused on smaller community-focused groups to consider. Set up recurring donations. Encourage your family and friends with access to wealth to do so too.
Consider volunteering with service-based organizations and lending your labor to advocacy groups. Do you have valuable skills, like copywriting or graphic design? Offer to help a local organization with their communications or administrative work; if your skills can be taught to other volunteers, consider offering to host a skill-share workshop so that the knowledge ripples beyond you. Do you have social capital? Ask your highly connected friends and family to consider stepping up in these ways as well. Do you have access to event space? Open it up to organizing groups who need meeting places.
Show up and show out for the 2018 midterm elections. Volunteer beforehand to get out the vote in your network and in your area. Report voter intimidation. Get involved and informed at the local level, and help ensure others have access to that knowledge too.
Ask people what they need.
8. Remember to stay vigilant (and patient).
Allyship isn’t a static label; it’s a series of actions, an investment. You should be doing this work because you care, because it will help move us all toward a more just world, because it will help save lives. Please don’t expect people of color to continually reward you for caring (remember that emotional labor thing?). Be humble, not defensive, when you are called out. Be patient, compassionate, and kind. We have so much work in the years ahead. But here’s to surviving them together.
1. Attempting to apply your first set of false eyelashes.
And failing monumentally.
2. Then finally achieving your first successful attempt.
Complete with several selfies to commemorate the moment.
3. Purchasing a new lipstick and marvelling at its smooth, untouched beauty.
4. Watching your first makeup tutorial.
And somehow finding it oddly relaxing.
5. Inspecting the results of a pore strip and being both insanely grossed out and slightly impressed.
Unless there isn’t much on it, in which case you’re FURIOUS.
6. Creating your very own graveyard of cotton buds.
7. Tidying your makeup to make it appear aesthetically pleasing.
And feeling super proud after you’ve done it.
8. Using your hand as a makeup palette.
9. Purchasing a beautiful set of brushes.
10. Getting a new makeup brush and running it along your hand and face to feel how impossibly soft it is.
11. Trying on your first liquid matte lipstick.
12. And then trying to take it off.
13. Opening your first fancy eyeshadow palette.
And feeling like you’ve really stepped up your game.
14. Cleaning your brushes for the first time and restoring them to their original fluffy state.
15. Experiencing the sorrow of a product you love being discontinued.
Or losing it and never finding it again.
16. Dropping a product and contemplating whether life is really worth living at all.
17. Pulling the classic “mascara face”.
18. And the “fuck, getting lipstick on my teeth” face.
19. Finding your holy grail product that you can’t be without.
20. Perfecting your winged eyeliner for the first time.
And probably the last time.